so this is the first time ive been on ehre in 3 YEARS and just to be creepy i read everyones entries. and were all soooooooooo different now. its crazy haha. Looking back im looking at how emo i was. (yeah go middle school!) and i think its so funny.
but i dont know who's journal is really whos. besides like laura. thats it ha

So today was an okay day.
My parents n I had to explain our feelings to this doctor
and we figured out i resent my parents
and the way i grew up
and i have a lot of withheld anger. (like i didnt know this)

and at school. i didnt dress up. i wore sweats.

i went in sweats. cuz u know what.
nobody cares.
like if ur going to call me a slut for the way i dress.
then ur gay
because LAST I CHECKED.
i wasnt slutty. and i dont dress that slutty. i have my days.

i came home and passed out. i sleep a lot.
so i never have to think about anything.
i get too upset cuz i think too much
and if i think too much i freak out

and im sick of being hurt
and being miserable
so i sleep.

im really good at this whole life is nothing thing.

dont comment i dont expect u too.

So last night I cried. And Im not really a crier. cuz i feel weak.
And it seems to me that no matter how people say "Im always here for you when you need me"
They can never take your pain away. So you kinda just have to deal no matter what.My dad kinda looked at me wierd. hes enver really seen me cry before. and he told me how I take on to much. How i commit myself too much to things. I mean i know i take on a lot. I put volunteer hours in at the hospital everyweek, i do key club,thots,outing club, im also in cheerleading 4 days a week and gymnastics and not tomention all my doctors appoints which are a lot lately.

And I dont sleep and Mr. Liszka throws me into the hallway to get a drink cuz i fall asleep and he took me aside and said i needed to slow my life down cuz i am a train wreck.Hes a sweet old guy.

So what happens to you when you dont know if your heart is broken or u never really cared?
Because last I knew all boys were was just gay and that I never let myself get attached to anyone. But this one just doesnt go away. And Im stuck on him.

I never really write. because theres never much to say.
this summer is going by soooooooooooooo fast.
And I love my friends. like a lot.
and i like meeting new boys.

and last night i slept at amandas with megan and steph
and it was awesome
awh i love those girls<3

so stephs leaving for portugal soon which makes me sad.
and amandas leaving for new hampshire sunday and
when she coems back megan leaves for california
then steph leaves.
and then i leave for cheer camp.

so the 4 of us are separated.
so this entire week
were going to stay together
and cry together
and laugh
and just miss each other/

so all i do is work and its pretty gay. but good money.
which i have to put towards me steph and megs trip to ITALY
next spring break. but thats okay.
im still excited.

I decided to have a pretty week and work out and tan and get a pedicure
and euebrows done and all that good stuf..
im tired i just ran 3 1/ 2 miles. which is good considering i jsut started running
again because i gained weight and lost interest.

and SUMMER IS LOVE
and SUMMER BRINGS LOVE.

current mood: giddy

Take the quiz: <a href="http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=13545">"Which Victoria's Secret Angel are you?"<br></a><br><b>Gisele Bundchen</b><br>You are nice, trendy, and love to have fun!

whoa i haven't written in a wicked long ass time.

so friday
ashleys :
sam
morgan
geoff
mario
kenny
ash
me

hung out

then me sam morgan slept over
Sex and The City
Saturday
Sex and The City
mall w/ ash
church
babysit

Sunday:

purse party
bought an effing $70 purse that wasnt even that pretty
went to ashs
watch what a girl wants
came home
fone
homework

current mood: curious

i dont' know who i am. so how am i supposed to explain it to you.

F YOU BITCHES WHO FUCKIN FELL OFF THE EARTH AND ARNT MY FRIENDS ANYMORE. DIE</3

everyones the same,

i firckin hate girls who tlak so much frickin shit an they think they know u but  they dont. so they tlak crap and i swear u should never trust neway itll jsut come back to you.

everyone will always be the same. never become emotionally attacthed to someone fair warning,
and act like they care but they really don't.

i hate having to act all happy for epople when i really wuld like to just scream how im feeling,
abd i really try to act all casual adn walk around like im okay with everything thats happening in my life but i just cant stadn the though of epople really knowing who i am,. it just wouldnt work.

well whatever. people make me sick.

everyone talks nobody listens and nobody knows the truth.
u wanna truth heres how i feel about all this:

i feel like shit but then again i don't know how im feeling so everyone please stop asking me about it,. u wanna know ask him, ill be fine. its him whos hurting i can deal with this on my own. 

am i okay no not really

will i be perfectly fine if i see you anywhere no

am i handeling it- in my own way and its working for me rite now so please let it go
stop trying help us.it was our relationship i think we know whats goin on more then neone.

yes i am goin out and having fun with my friends i dont have to be at home all upset like everyone wishes i was

yes i hang out with new friends and they're okay with everything going on and they help me. let it go.

and i dont mean to be a bitch but everyone wont let it go.

*sigh* Valentines day.

I liked today. it was awesome. my friends rock<3

1 day down.

current mood: loved

Whoaaaaa yesterday was seriously amazing .
I had a cheerleading sleepover at my house<3. Yeah it was me, bri,. liz, katie, amy, kaliegh, kasey. heather was sick. and something came up were manada wasnt able to make it. but its okay. so we had madddd fun omg. the most hilarious nite of my life.
 mad food, talks dancing, pole dancing.-7 year old stripper pole-down, spread um, close, rol up.-animal-yeah i need to like suck face-ur like a contortionist.. wow girls lol. we were up till 430 i guess then we woke up at like 9. im mad tired.that was amazinggggggg

pictures to come<3

current mood: cheerful

yeah so that was totally a bunch of shit how we didnt have school yesterday/ pisses me off. well anywho. yesterday went to dr's. then to ashleys we went to the mall and hung out with moregan sam bunches of people and it was mad cool AMBER<3.and i like wined and got mony from people like hixon and ashley and we ran around like all crazy. and i busted out dancing with morgan in journeys to jamacan music and yesh it was a laugh. then i slept at ashleys and we partied like mad while watching mtv2 till like 878469897956 in the morning and then today i went to see Boogeyman with derick and i frickin hated it i couldnt watch the beginning at all and then i jsut watch the scary parts and was like aw u suck. i saw AMBER<3 again. then i went to churchy then babysat ctuies<3 aw i went upstairs and the 5 year old had a calculater in his hand and i was like "what are you doin? can u not sleep?" and hes likes "well my sister said to count sheep so im counting ...458...459...460..461" aw it was the cutest thing ever. and then iw ent back up[ and he fell asleep with the calculator inhis hand<3.

well nites.

current mood: ditzy

why is everything half real. and all of a sudden it seems so real that it scares you.

current mood: nervous

sweet. my new classes suck and my math teachers dumb. and i fricking hate school and people just suck and life is so confusing and i dont know what to do. i had a pretty wierd week
practice gym school friends parents party tonite at my cousins and mall should be sweet im excited.<3

i hate food i wanna die of starvation cuz food is just the worst thing in the world and i wanna kill it cuz im always hungry and it ruins my life

maybe ill see you there

please leave some<3

sometimes in life it just feels like u never get what u want. u think u want it and then its not what u expected and ur disappointed. but most of all in ur self.. And being so hard on urself just gets so tiring sometiems that u feel u cant take it.  and thats when you break. after uve completly broken down then next morning u act strange, u feel drained at life and hopeless, and u begin another day and wait for things to build up and get more disappointed and a few weeks later ur just waiting forwhen ull break again.